Tonight marks the end of week four on Rebif and it has been a tough week. That's hard for me to admit because I approach everything MS related as positively as I possibly can. However even I have to admit sometimes that the clouds turn black now and again.
I'm not sure if it was the Rebif hitting me or a weekend of solid sun that did it but I woke up on Monday feeling as though a bus had hit me in my sleep. Besides feeling a 'bit low' every single ounce of me ached and walking was like wading through mud. But I have a 22 week old baby and lying down under a black cloud is simply not an option.
And you know, that's a good thing. I gave myself a talking too, got under a hot shower and got going regardless.
That all said it was the start of a week I'm glad to be putting behind me - physically, mentally and emotionally. I had a chat with my MS nurse yesterday and she said it's pretty normal to have a 'down' day now and again, even when you're well. But it's not a state of mind I'm used to.
With a body in pain it's hard to keep your mind intact too but I think the enormity of what I'm actually going through has only just hit me. This process isn't a stop-gap, it's not going to end tomorrow, it's for the rest of my life. And that's the hurdle, realising it's FOREVER.
I've always known it was but the physical act of injecting myself makes the knowing very real.