Muddling through May

The month of May has been a very mixed bag. One day I am feeling great, the next I am struggling. But, if truth be told, there have more 'bad' days than good.
There has been a lot happening too and I have, once again, become very aware of my need to slow down.
This is so difficult for me. My personality won't let me sit still, and I hate sitting watching while others do things for me! It is definitely something I need to simply 'get used to' ... however hard I find it.
Additionally, I have also taken the decision to stop my injections for a few weeks, because I have a feeling that the 'fog' I was living under might actually be side effects from Rebif.
If, in six weeks or so, I am still feeling funny then a least I can rule out the side effects theory.
In the meantime, the spasms in my legs have gotten more frequent and increasingly painful. My MS nurse contacted my neurologist and he has recommended Lyrica instead of the Baclofen. I'm only on day five but so far I have seen no improvement. In fact, I have had to start using a stick for walking when I'm out of the house. It's mainly in case my legs buckle beneath me or feel weak.
This has been a big step for me as I have had to admit that I need it. It's one thing buying a stick, but actually taking it out of the house is hard.
It's a physical embodiment of how my body is letting me down. A sticker for all to see that, despite the brave face and positive energy, MS is still taking its toll.
On a lighter note, Charlotte is now 18 months old and turning into a little character ... keeping me on my toes but she also the very reason that I have more smiles than tears.

Note: I should mention that I decided to stop my Rebif treatment after speaking to my MS nurse and neurologist.

Giving myself the chance to recuperate

So, I'm writing this is bed ... in a quick ten minutes reprieve from doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Yes, my body has given up. Bed rest called and I am trying to embrace it as best I can. And that has meant no tv, no books, no phone (yeah right!) - all imposed by myself because I have had to recognise that the only way I'm getting over and past this relapse is to look after myself.
The last week has been such a rollercoaster. My break in London was simply lovely. Selfish as it may sound, it was great to not have to get up to a baby in the middle of the night, stay in my pyjamas until lunchtime, eat in grown-up restaurants and have some quality time with friends.
But the trip was clouded slightly by the fact that my legs were continually in pain. So much pain that at one point I even exclaimed that childbirth was easier - and it was. Because this was pain like I have never experienced before - excruciating, mind-numbing and constant.
The bottom line is that I have crossed over into an MS patient was gets spasms - a label the medical profession call spasticity. Horrible word, spasticity. Makes me sound all wobbly or something.
I digress. The result of these nasty spasms is that I am now on more medication, called Baclofen. And you know what, I think they're working already. I slept well last night and while I'm still completely zonked, the pain has subsided.
Now all I have to get sorted is this brain fog, which is the name I have given to this strange sensation that my mind is filled with cotton wool - and my body is simultaneously dragging through mud. The only way to describe it is that I can do everything, everything just takes ages (this blog post has been in the making for going on an hour already, on and off!)
In the meantime, I'm embracing 'doing nothing' for now - and eating lots of chocolate in the process -because let's be honest, chocolate fixes everything, right??!!