Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Sunday, 22 March 2015

A Temple of hope

I love the Timehop App, it's great for reflecting back on what you were doing this time so many years ago, and this morning it reminded me that I started on DMDs FOUR years ago. As with so many things it feels like yesterday.
It was also timely because Derry has just had the privilege of hosting American artist David Best, who has created Temples at the Burning Man festival in Nevada for over a decade. 
His Temple in my hometown was a reflection of many things but ultimately It became somewhere local people remembered their lost family and friends, looked forward with hope and left behind all manner of emotions that they wanted to forget, or simply move past. 
The Temple was then ceremoniously burnt last night as a way to cleanse those emotions left behind, a sort of clearing of the mind, it seemed to me anyway.
It felt like somewhere that I could connect with and as a result I left up one of my empty injection boxes, with a short message hoping for a life ahead that hopefully doesn't include injecting myself daily, and leaving behind some of the anger and resentment that, no matter how hard I try, still exists because of my diagnosis.
It felt so cathartic to be making a move to try and lose that sense of anger; anger at an illness that limits my life and in my hardest days, makes the road ahead seem impossible. The resentment comes at not fulfilling my career hopes and more importantly, for impacting on those around me, especially my girls.
I'm not naturally pessimistic, and I recognise that I have still managed to achieve many things despite MS, but it was also necessary to try to push that last vestige of negativity away.
Taking part in the Temple ethos and all it represented to me was a very good place to start. 
I was also privileged to chat to David Best and briefly mention that part of MS was something I needed to 'burn' ... he was so genuinely lovely in his response and it's a moment I will cherish forever.
It was also a moment captured on camera by a photographer friend and I'm so delighted that those few minutes are there for me to reflect upon for years to come. 

Photos courtesy of Lorcan Doherty Photography. 





Friday, 25 April 2014

Stop and enjoy the moment

This blog is so desperately unloved that I'm going to pledge to write at least once a week for the next ten weeks ... the lack of posts over the last few months are very simple to explain - Charlotte and Lucy! I honestly never get two minutes. I knew two kids would be hard work but my goodness it's ten times harder than I expected! 


Having Lucy has definitely been one of my best decisions in life. She is a ray of sunshine and her big sister adores her. I worried before I had her that Charlotte might be jealous, but that definitely hasn't been the case. If anything she is over protective. 

MS wise things have been quiet and that also accounts for my lack of updates. I always live life to the max when I'm well and that often means that I burn myself out during the day and then when night-time and my regular blogging time arrives, I'm fit for nothing. I don't regret that for one minute. MS is so unpredictable that I always grab the good days with both hands and treasure them. 

I've loved being well for Lucy's start in life, there's nothing better than being able to bath your own baby, to skip around the garden with your children, to organise and run a home without any major help. They are all things many take for granted but over the last ten months I have found myself stopping and taking in the joy around me, stamping the memories into my mind and being grateful for the chance the enjoy them. 

There have been days when I've begged for just half an hour of peace, but I always stop myself from feeling sorry for myself and remembered that my children will not be young for long and I may not always be well to enjoy them. 

That said, I'm currently sitting in an airport, on my way to MS Life - a conference organised by the MS Society - and I'll be away for three whole days. It's going to be busy as I'm also squeezing in a visit to an old uni friend who I haven't seen in years, as well as meeting my nephew William for the first time - and I'm truly relishing the thought of not being woken at 6.30am for a few mornings! I'm giving a talk at the conference about Pregnancy and MS so I'm slightly nervous but looking forward to telling others with MS that having a family is very much a possibility. I'll post my speech here next week so anybody who doesn't catch me there can read it here.

Until next week ... look after yourself, be kind to others and live life as if today is your last. As always, I appreciate your comments and I'm on twitter too - @catdoran