Monday, 18 June 2012

What a rollercoaster

Funny old thing, this MS. One minute it has you completely on the floor, albeit sliding slowly onto it, the next hovering somewhere in middle ground, before a quick push later and you're back on your feet.
And that's where I was at the end of last week, yet today I'm back on middle ground.
It's a never-ending rollercoaster, with the dips and highs appearing erratically and totally unannounced.
For weeks,  outwardly, I was the same old me. At work, keeping a house in order, looking after Charlotte, making sure she was entertained, educated, looked after, being a decent wife* ... need I go on?! 
But I was ignoring the fact that I wasn't actually very well at all. Far from it.
Instead, I was trying new medications, hoping for a quick fix, but not really stepping back and seeing exactly what it was I needed to be doing to help myself.
In the end, MS pushed me too far and I am nearing my second week off work.
Hard as it has been for me to take that time, today I am very mindful at it has absolutely been the best thing for me to have done.
But it has been a very frustrating time. Just five days ago I was about to attempt a day a work, convinced I was much better, only to find myself really not improved at all today.
And I'm the sort of character that needs to be at work. I crave the structure and the focus. But no matter how much my head is telling me I can do it, my body simply isn't playing ball.
I have spent the best part of yesterday and today either asleep or curled up on the sofa.
Gutted doesn't even cover how I feel today. 
But tomorrow I will be back at work. I need to try. Otherwise I might actually go slowly mad! 

*my poor husband may disagree but I am trying! 

(and this was supposed to post yesterday so it's a day late! ... So to update, I survived work ... just! ... Will update properly tomorrow!)


  1. Glad you got back to work today. Hope you get on some new med soon that will prevent all these issues! So sorry you aren't feeling better.

  2. It's a wild ride, don't remember buying a ticket?

  3. That's hard going Catherine. Hope the day at work went okay and didn't exhaust you too much. Thinking of youxxx

  4. Hi catherine, have you ever looked into low dose naltrexone? It's supposed to be excellent for MS. I haven't had an official diagnosis yet but if I do LDN would be the only med I'd opt for. Just google it. Feel better soon xxx

  5. Hi Lisa,
    Have heard of it but never looked into it properly so I'll go have a look now.
    Thanks taking time to comment ....

    That goes for everyone else too ... I really appreciate all comments, they keep me going on the tough days :)

    Catherine xxx

  6. I don't think it's officially approved yet in the UK for the treatment of MS but I think you can fight to get it. Www.lowdosenaltrexone or the MSRC website has loads of info. Best of luck xxx

  7. Thanks again Lisa ... Plenty to think about! Xx