Once more I find myself in the throes of a relapse. Again, it is mainly leg related, with some other niggling factors thrown in for good measure. I've been ignoring its subtle onslaught as much as possible, although my use of a stick for walking these last few days should really have prepared me better for my current situation.
That's the thing with me. I know the signs. I know the time is coming when I have to admit defeat, if only for a while. But the knowing doesn't make the coping any easier.
Even today, despite calling in sick to work, I have found myself 'just tidying' when there is no need to tidy a thing. Joe and my mum have the house looking spotless, so I really should be 'just sitting' instead!
Which I am now. And I already feel more at ease by doing so. I need a calm air to take hold, I need to give my body the chance to recuperate and I need to listen better to myself.
I am also on yet another course of steroids, so while I try desperately to look after myself emotionally and holistically, I am not afraid to get the big guns in and tackle the relapse medically too.
With the number of pills I take these days I am sure I would rattle if you shook me hard enough!
This weekend I am attending my cousin's wedding and I want to be well to enjoy it. So between now and Saturday I am hoping that my renewed approach to taking care of me will work its magic. Because there's a pair of heels with my name on them that I really want to wear!