Pregnancy and MS video for MS Society

My gorgeous baby girl will be two this Sunday, and she definitely isn't a baby any more. In fact, she has become a wee woman over the last month, chatting away, showing us who's boss and generally, full of fun.

There have been some temper tantrums to deal with ... but everyone talks about the terrible two's and I'm hoping that they don't last much longer!

It feels like yesterday when I was heavily pregnant with her and being filmed for the MS Society's Pregnancy and MS information video. In fact, three hours after the guys left my waters broke and Charlotte was born the very next day, a whole three days early.

They returned last year, as Charlotte turned one, and completed the filming, giving a more rounded view of what it's like for women with MS who decide to have children.

I had always hoped that the video would help others see that having MS doesn't mean you can't have kids. If anything, I wanted people to see that having MS wasn't stopping me from living the life I had always hoped for.

Yes, it was tough at times, and still can be, but what mother doesn't find parenthood hard going? 

I was very conscious that this was MY story, and therefore couldn't reflect the entire MS community, but I still believe that doing the film was the right decision. I have had great feedback on Facebook and Twitter and the film is something that I am very proud of.

It's available to view here ....

Living life

The MS Society magazine MS Matters had a great interview with a fellow MS-er recently in which she said that if she could do it all again she would "have fun while she could" and her words really resonated with me.
It has been no secret that the start of 2012 was very difficult, I went through two successive relapses and suffered quite a lot of pain. But thankfully  in recent weeks I have been feeling much more like 'myself' and have found that I have been able to do so much more than usual.
Fridays are a good marker for me because they are at the end of a working week and it's also my day with Charlotte. At the start of the year there wasn't much we could do without me feeling knackered or sore. Even giving her a bath was a chore.
But the last few Fridays have been so different. Besides giving her a bath I am able to wash floors, prepare lunch and dinner, bake a cake, do some drawing or crafts and still have energy left come 7pm.
To anyone else this probably doesn't seem too out of the ordinary but for me it feels like a miracle.
Today I was out gardening with Charlotte and Joe, a task I have avoided in the past, not just because of the hard labour required but because I can't stand dirt in my nails!! But the words of the interview struck a cord and I decided life was too short to sit watching. Instead I got involved. The sun was shining, Charlotte was running and laughing about with our new kitten, I was planting bulbs which will hopefully flower in the Spring ... it just felt simply lovely to be enjoying  life with my precious family.
So, while I can, I am striving to live life to the very best of my ability ... while I can, because no-one knows what tomorrow will bring.

PS. that also includes a weekend away with the girls for a hen do next weekend, where I intend to wear high heels, get glammed up and drink champagne. That's what I call fun :)

Pounds in the charity pot

It's happened again ... My blog gets neglected whenever I'm on my feet!
But, to fill any regular readers in, the charity evening was a MASSIVE success. I can't believe I'm saying it but we have raised just over £2400!!
We had initially hoped to get around £1000 so we are all completely overwhelmed with the support we have been given ... The money raised will go a long way to helping the charities.
The actual weekend was manic and I did worry that I would tire myself out but we staggered the organisation and apart from baking four cakes in one day everything else was fairly straight forward.
I had hmm-ed and haa-ed about giving a speech on the night but when it came down to it, it was hard not to thank everyone for coming, the local businesses who gave prizes and all those who helped make the night so successful.
And in typical me fashion I did shed a few tears. The generosity of everyone and finally getting a chance to say publicly just how much I appreciate and love my husband and parents, was simply too much!
But I am so glad I did. I hope everyone there got a sense of why I am so passionate about raising funds for MS Society Foyle and RAMS, the fantastic work they do and how vital it is that we support them.
The atmosphere on the night was so brilliant, everyone seemed to have a good time and the final 'closing' didn't come until nearly 6am ... Oops! But I sneaked to bed a good bit before then :)
With it proving to be such a success I think we would definitely host a night again, but maybe leave it a few years.

Getting up and at it

There's no denying that my blog has been taking a backseat in recent weeks. A relapse simply takes over. And then I always find that once it's away, leaving me alone, that I am so focused on getting myself back on my feet that there is room for nothing bar getting myself up and out! 
More than that, when I feel better I spend every waking minute I have simply enjoying life. 
There are two arguments in this regard. The first is that you do as I do, make the most of feeling good and go 'hell for leather',
The second is that you conserve your energy, basically reserving funds for when the next relapse strikes ... and that taking things easy prevents one in the first place.
Of course no-one quite knows if either argument is better than the other so in essence no-one is 'right' but for me personally, taking the second route would be very difficult.
When I have energy, I use it. Whether that be taking Charlotte for a walk, baking some cakes or going away for the day as a family, then I want to enjoy life as best I can, when I can.
Family and friends are constantly telling me to rest and sit still, but honestly, you can't teach an old dog new tricks! 
So, as I am feeling relatively 'well' these last few weeks, Joe and I have decided to host a charity night at our home, complete with a marquee, live bands, a raffle, lots of food, plenty to drink and a bucket-load of fun :) 
It has all been organised in the last two weeks and takes place next Saturday, so it's all come together in less than three weeks! And I have to say, I have been overwhelmed by the generosity of people so far.
For starters, the bands that are playing are giving their time for free. The marquee has been provided by a colleague of Joe's. And the raffle prize list is so long it would take me all day to list them, but they include meals out, cinema tickets, hair and beauty vouchers, bottles of drink, an artist print and signed books by Irish authors, including Marian Keyes! 
Next weekend is going to be a busy one, cooking up a storm and entertaining but it will all be worth it once the final figures are counted up and we can donate much needed funds to two Northern Irish MS charities .. MS Society Foyle, which is my local MS Society branch, and Race Against MS (RAMS), which is outside Belfast, and where I go for hyperbaric oxygen treatment (a holistic approach which I feel gives me a boost).
Both charities do outstanding work, and the staff work tirelessly to help those diagnosed with what can be a very scary chronic condition. 
I'm so delighted to be finally giving something back. All I wish for now is some decent weather for the night itself! Wish me luck. 

What a rollercoaster

Funny old thing, this MS. One minute it has you completely on the floor, albeit sliding slowly onto it, the next hovering somewhere in middle ground, before a quick push later and you're back on your feet.
And that's where I was at the end of last week, yet today I'm back on middle ground.
It's a never-ending rollercoaster, with the dips and highs appearing erratically and totally unannounced.
For weeks,  outwardly, I was the same old me. At work, keeping a house in order, looking after Charlotte, making sure she was entertained, educated, looked after, being a decent wife* ... need I go on?! 
But I was ignoring the fact that I wasn't actually very well at all. Far from it.
Instead, I was trying new medications, hoping for a quick fix, but not really stepping back and seeing exactly what it was I needed to be doing to help myself.
In the end, MS pushed me too far and I am nearing my second week off work.
Hard as it has been for me to take that time, today I am very mindful at it has absolutely been the best thing for me to have done.
But it has been a very frustrating time. Just five days ago I was about to attempt a day a work, convinced I was much better, only to find myself really not improved at all today.
And I'm the sort of character that needs to be at work. I crave the structure and the focus. But no matter how much my head is telling me I can do it, my body simply isn't playing ball.
I have spent the best part of yesterday and today either asleep or curled up on the sofa.
Gutted doesn't even cover how I feel today. 
But tomorrow I will be back at work. I need to try. Otherwise I might actually go slowly mad! 

*my poor husband may disagree but I am trying! 

(and this was supposed to post yesterday so it's a day late! ... So to update, I survived work ... just! ... Will update properly tomorrow!)

Decisions, decisions

After a four week hiatus from injecting Rebif, I have had a productive meeting with my MS nurse about the next step forward for me as regards treatment.
I have definitely felt guilty about taking a break, because I know there are MS patients across the world who would give their right arm for any treatment whatsoever.
But I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I simply could not ignore, and it was telling me to take a break. So I did, and it's now over.
And I am absolutely convinced that many of the problems I have been experiencing over the last 12 months have been more a result of side effects from Rebif than any MS symptoms.
There's no question my head feels clearer and the flu-like aches and pains have also lifted.
So, my meeting today was to decide which other DMD I would try instead. There are three options available to me, each with their own pros and cons, so I'm going to have a good chat with my family, and do some more reading, before I make a final decision on which one I move to.
But, there's no question that I cannot accept a treatment plan going forward.

Heels and healing

Once more I find myself in the throes of a relapse. Again, it is mainly leg related, with some other niggling factors thrown in for good measure. I've been ignoring its subtle onslaught as much as possible, although my use of a stick for walking these last few days should really have prepared me better for my current situation.
That's the thing with me. I know the signs. I know the time is coming when I have to admit defeat, if only for a while. But the knowing doesn't make the coping any easier.
Even today, despite calling in sick to work, I have found myself 'just tidying' when there is no need to tidy a thing. Joe and my mum have the house looking spotless, so I really should be 'just sitting' instead!
Which I am now. And I already feel more at ease by doing so. I need a calm air to take hold, I need to give my body the chance to recuperate and I need to listen better to myself.
I am also on yet another course of steroids, so while I try desperately to look after myself emotionally and holistically, I am not afraid to get the big guns in and tackle the relapse medically too.
With the number of pills I take these days I am sure I would rattle if you shook me hard enough!
This weekend I am attending my cousin's wedding and I want to be well to enjoy it. So between now and Saturday I am hoping that my renewed approach to taking care of me will work its magic. Because there's a pair of heels with my name on them that I really want to wear!