Thursday, 26 August 2010

What I miss the most

I’ve just spent a lovely week off work recharging the batteries and I cannot underestimate the power of sitting still in making me feel better.
We stayed for three nights in a cottage with no television and being forced to simply curl up and read was pure bliss.
I’ve gone back to work raring to go and it’s proof that everyone - not just MS sufferers may I add - always benefit from some rest time.

Anyway ... as an aside, I’ve also been thinking about the things I miss most since diagnosis. It’s silly but it’s the small things that I miss the most.

Firstly, I’ve been saying lately that there has to be some sort of injustice in giving a sun worshipper MS because now if I spend just half an hour under the sun I’m completely zonked. And I miss the sun!

I was also at a wedding recently and besides the fact that being pregnant has me confined to flat shoes anyway, the residual pain and general annoyance that are my feet these days keeps me out of high heels - and I miss wearing high heels. I do anyway but I generally only last about two hours before they become unbearable. And when we moved house recently it pained me greatly to have to place my gorgeous pairs into a box that I know will stay closed for a good part of the foreseeable future.
I’ve also had a hard time finding flat shoes that I like and with autumn around the corner I’m dreading looking for boots I can actually feel good in.

Finally, and probably most importantly, I miss my independence. More specifically it frustrates the hell out of me that I need to rely on family (mainly my mum, aunt and J) to help me with household chores.
It may seem like heaven for someone to come in and do all the horrible house stuff for you (and mostly it is!) but sometimes when I’m laid up with painful feet all I want to do is fill the mop bucket up and wash my own floors myself.

When I can see a job that needs done, and know it would have taken me ten minutes a year ago, there are no words to describe the sense of helplessness that comes over me when I realise that not only would it take me an hour if I dared to tackle it myself now, the simple reality is that I just can’t do it at all. Such a task would leave me knackered for the rest of the day and saving my energy is something I’ve learned to prioritise.

But, this week I’m simply enjoying feeling brighter and with the baby due in just over 11 weeks, making the most of the quiet for now!

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